schrutexbucks:

Oh, and make sure the customer doesn’t see you. For some reason privacy is hot right now.

Okay so everybodys in, that means the winners gonna get 200 bucks.

I’m gonna be so good at this game I’m constantly taking creepshots of dads in parks

Superstore- season 5 episode 20– Customer Safari

mrevaunit42:
“ Batman: *watching one of his villains plan something nasty*
*Ace chemical plant blows up*
Batman:….. good for her. Harley can have one crime spree, as a treat.
”

mrevaunit42:

Batman: *watching one of his villains plan something nasty*

*Ace chemical plant blows up*

Batman:….. good for her. Harley can have one crime spree, as a treat.

socialist-literotica:

ppl don’t understand adhd/autistic cleaning processes. we think so far ahead it’s like,,, impossible to do shit. you want me to vaccuum my bedroom floor? okay. we need to pick up all the stuff thats on it first, though. and where are we going to put the stuff? well, theres a couple categories of Stuff- Clothes, Random Items, and Trash. Trash is easy, we just throw it away. Clothes have to be sorted into Clean, Not Clean- and then the not clean ones have to go in the laundry bag, but theres so many so i might have to start a load now- ugh, distracted. lets go back to the clean clothes. well, these go in my drawer but- my drawer is really disorganized, so i’ll have to organize the clothes first so that theyll fit and look neat. by the time i’m done with that, i’ve spent an hour and a half trying to do stuff in my room. i finally turn to random items, most of which can find a home on my desk, but others i dont really know what to do with. plus, my desk is dirty. so i have to organize my desk, figure out where everything goes, and the stuff that doesn’t have a place can go in… a box, i guess. (not like i don’t have three other boxes full of random stuff in my closet)  so i put all the items back up but now i have this box full of stuff i dont know if i need so i have to go through it, sorting it into donate and dont donate piles. i might as well throw in some clothes to, so i dig through my clothes drawer and get the clothes i dont want, throw them in there too. okay, back to the random items- the ones i dont want to donate are still here, so i have to put them somewhere. i dont have anywhere to put them- maybe i should get a shelf? i start googling shelves, figuring out which ones would be best for my room, debating prices, learning about installation, and eventually im like ‘well, already on my computer’ and i decide im going to ‘check’ social media and end up lost in it for an hour or so. you walk back in, and theres stuff all over the floor, albeit in bags and boxes, and it still hasnt been vacuumed. its been five hours since i started. how does it take five hours to clean your room? it just does. 

cishetsbeingcishet:

cishetsbeingcishet:

tbh no april fools gag tumblr ever pulls will ever be as good as the lizard election of 2016 staff put more effort into that than the rest of this website combined and it shows

for those of you who werent here in 2016 on april fools that year the entire fucking website was transformed and there was an election for a position that wasnt even ever specified and the candidates were four lizards (or three lizards and a salamander as a scandal would later prove) and it was called decision2016

each lizard had their own 3d models and tumblr blog and campaign and there was also a tumblr blog dedicated to reporting on the election and they made like whole ass news broadcasts with a guy in front of a green screen

you could vote for your favorite candidate and there was a built-in function that let you make and post a campaign poster

in case anyone was wondering the winner of the election was mop. relatable and reliable. #Mop Could

futk2003:

oh and i HATE patronizing posts from middle-class people about how grocery store workers are heroes. they’re not doing this for you or the country. they’re doing this because they need money. “New Yorkers Planning 2-Minute Clap For Essential Workers On Friday” fuck off. grocery store workers don’t need you to clap for them. they need to be able to make the choice of whether or not they want to be on the frontlines of this thing without having to risk homelessness or starvation. they need to be fairly compensated for the risk they’re taking and an extra two dollars an hour, or for increased wages to only kick in if they opt to do overtime isn’t enough. like, grocery store workers and other “essential” retail workers should be appreciated but that appreciation needs to be TANGIBLE. and working right now should be voluntary. when well-off people make posts about how grocery store workers are heroes, it just comes across that they’re grateful there are still people around to wait on them and they’re purposefully overlooking the fact that the “sacrifice” essential retail workers are making is coerced.